The Reason You Can't Get Over Your Ex (And What to Do About It)
You've done the work. You went to therapy and talked to friends. You processed the breakup. You understand why the relationship ended and what patterns you need to change going forward.
So why does your body still react when you see their name pop up on your phone? Why does a new partner—someone kind, available, emotionally healthy—still feel "off" somehow? Why do you feel like you're carrying something you can't name?
Most people don't realize that breakups aren't just emotional. They're energetic.
And if you've never cleared the energetic imprint your ex left in your system, you're still carrying them—whether you realize it or not.
3 Types of Personal Hygiene (And the One You're Probably Ignoring)
Physical Hygiene: We all understand physical hygiene. We shower, brush our teeth, wash our hands, clean our homes. These practices keep us healthy and comfortable in our daily lives.
Emotional Hygiene: Most of us understand emotional hygiene to some degree. We might go to therapy. We journal, meditate, or might take self-care days. We talk through our struggles with friends. We know that tending to our emotional health matters.
There's a third type of hygiene most people have never heard of.Energetic Hygiene: Energetic hygiene might be the missing piece that explains why you feel stuck in relationships, why you can't seem to move on, or why the same patterns keep showing up no matter how much emotional work you do. This concept addresses the idea of, “the body keeps the score,” of cellular memory and imprinting. In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), we consider that the organs and meridians have their own memory and are energetically influenced by relationships and interactions, past and present.
What Is the Human Energy Field (And Why Does It Matter)?
Ancient healing traditions—TCM, Ayurveda, Native American shamanic practices—have long understood that human beings are more than just physical bodies. We exist within an energy field that extends beyond our skin.
In TCM, this energy is called Qi (or chi) and it moves through meridians and the organs. In other traditions, it's referred to as the aura or the human energy field. This isn't mystical or abstract—it's the energetic substance that vibrates within all living things and connects us to each other and our environment.
You've experienced this energy field, even if you didn't name it. It's the sensation you get when someone stands too close behind you in line, even though you can't see them. It's the heaviness you feel when you walk into a room after an argument happened there. It's the warmth or magnetism you sense when you're near someone you're drawn to.
Your energy field is constantly interacting with other people's energy fields. And just like your physical body can pick up germs from someone who's sick, your energy field can pick up—and hold onto—energetic imprints from the people in your life. On the flip side, your energy can be connected to other people too. This is the concept of an “energetic cord.”
Why Your Reproductive System Holds Energetic Imprints
From an energetic perspective, your reproductive system (your pelvis, lower abdomen, sexual organs) doesn't just serve a physical function. It's also the energetic center associated with:
Creativity and vitality
Sexuality
Intimate relationships (romantic and sexual) and empathic connections
Family bonds and ancestral patterns
Profound healing: self healing and the ability to help heal others
And here's the part most people don't realize: your reproductive system carries the energetic imprints of everyone you've been intimately connected to, including:
Past romantic and sexual partners: Every intimate encounter leaves an energetic imprint in your system. The emotions, memories, and energy of those relationships get stored—not just in your mind, but in your body. This is why it can be so hard to truly "get over" someone, even after you've intellectually processed the breakup.
There’s almost always some aspect of the relationship that’s unresolved for us - even if we don’t realize it - and unresolved or not fully processed emotions remain in our system. Often it’s not easy or convenient to fully feel deep grief or anger (or other emotions) when we are letting go, which makes the letting go incomplete causing the connection to remain “stuck” in our system.
Also, according to Yi Ren Qi Gong theory, the reproductive system is associated with the energy of possessiveness (as well as the Virtues of creativity, longevity and healing). So, even if our intellectual mind understands that a relationship is done, the energetic system can remain “possessive” of that person’s energy until it is addressed on an energetic level.
Ancestral and family patterns: You carry the energetic imprint of your ancestors and family members. Patterns of relationship dynamics, emotional responses, and even trauma can be passed down energetically through generations. You might find yourself repeating your parents' relationship patterns—not because you consciously chose to, but because the energetic blueprint is there.
Empathic and healing connections: If you're empathic or work in a healing profession (therapist, nurse, bodyworker, teacher), your reproductive system can unconsciously create energetic "cords" to the people you're trying to help. This is why caregivers often feel drained. They're energetically connected to the people they serve, and if those cords aren't cleared, the energy keeps flowing out.
What Happens When You Don't Clear These Imprints
When energetic imprints from past partners, family patterns, or empathic connections aren't cleared, they create interference in your current life. You might experience:
Difficulty moving on from past relationships, even when you logically know it's over. For example, you might think of an ex often or dream about them.
Repeating the same relationship patterns, no matter how much therapy you do.
Feeling "off" with new partners, like something invisible is in the way.
Energetic rejection of healthy relationships, as if your system is still attached to someone from your past.
Chronic fatigue or feeling drained, especially after being around certain people.
Unexplained emotions or reactions that don't match your current situation.
Reproductive system symptoms (painful or heavy menses for women, testicular pain or ED for men, etc.)
From the perspective of TCM, the reproductive system is energetically linked to the immune system. When old energetic imprints are still present, your system can treat a new partner as a "foreign invader," creating energetic resistance even when you consciously want the relationship to work. It’s like your energetic system and conscious mind aren’t aligned yet, not until some energetic hygiene work is completed!
Clearing Your Reproductive System Energetically
Just like you brush your teeth daily to maintain physical health, energetic hygiene practices help you clear what you've picked up from others and maintain emotional and relational wellness.
The practice below is based on Yi Ren Qi Gong, an ancient Chinese energy medicine system. It's simple, takes just a few minutes, and can be done daily as part of your self-care routine.
Yi Ren Qi Gong Exercise:
This is a simple Yi Ren Qi Gong exercise to clear the reproductive system. You'll need 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted time and a comfortable place to sit or lie down.
You can watch my video of steps 1-5, or follow along below:
Step 1: Find a comfortable position (sitting, standing, or lying down) where you can be still and uninterrupted, letting your mind relax. Allowing your mind to relax and be very present to your body is essential for this practice to be effective. Simply doing the motions is a physical exercise. Allowing yourself to be deeply aware of your energetic system (memories, feelings, images, sensations, etc) is necessary for a successful energetic shift.
NOTE: This mudra and practice should not be done when pregnant as it is very clearing for the reproductive system.
Step 2: Create the following hand gesture (mudra) on both hands: Use your thumb to hold down your pinky and middle fingers, leaving the ring and index fingers extended (see below).
Create the following hand gesture (mudra) on both hands.
The index finger is on the large intestine meridian, so it is energetically associated with releasing, detachment, and forgiveness. The ring finger is on the San Jiao (aka Triple Burner) meridian, which is associated with the reproductive and hormonal system.
Step 3: Holding the mudra, slowly wave your hands back and forth in front of your lower abdomen, becoming aware of any energy sensations between your hands (tingling, warmth, a sense of magnetism).
Step 4: As you inhale, bring your hands while holding the mudra toward your lower pelvis so that the palm side is facing your reproductive organs. Feel the connection between your ring fingers and your reproductive organs. Let your subconscious mind be active, allowing any feelings, images or memories from the reproductive system to come to your mind’s eye.
As you exhale, push your hands away and feel the connection between your index finger and reproductive system, using the exhale and energy of the large intestine to clear what is not serving you. You can shake your hands or “flick” your index fingers with a little force as you push your hands away to emphasize the release of these energetic imprints. You can also exhale forcefully with the intention of clearing or cutting something from your system using the breath.
Step 5: Repeat 6 or 9 times in one session, taking long, slow inhales and exhales. Do this exercise on a daily basis or as needed, especially during times of transition, after breakups, or when you notice old patterns resurfacing.
What to Expect
You might not feel a dramatic shift immediately, and that's okay. Energetic clearing is cumulative. Over time, you may notice:
It becomes easier to think about past relationships without emotional charge
You feel more present and available in new relationships
Old patterns feel less automatic
You have more energy and feel less drained
You experience a deeper sense of clarity about what you want
Reproductive system symptoms change
Some people experience emotional releases during the practice—tears, memories surfacing, physical sensations in the pelvis. This is normal. Your body is processing and releasing what it's been holding.
The Missing Energetic Piece
Talk therapy is valuable. Emotional processing is essential. But if you're only working on the mental and emotional layers, you're likely missing the energetic imprint that lives in your body.
Energetic hygiene isn't a replacement for therapy or self-care—it's a complement. It addresses what happens in your body when you connect intimately with another person, take on family patterns, or extend yourself empathically to help others.
The relationships that matter most deserve all of you—clear, present, and free from the energetic baggage of the past.
When I learned to take care of my energetic health, everything shifted—not just my relationships, but my capacity to show up fully in my own life.
